ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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