Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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