I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
