I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
