just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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