I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
