hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
