He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
