"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
