so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
