..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That accounts for only three of the penises
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
