dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
