Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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