You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
