U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
