My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
