If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
