He disabled his match.com account in front of me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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