And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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