We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
