Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
