so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
