ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
