You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
