I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
