My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
