:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
