They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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