actually, I'm a sock model
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
