We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
