I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
