That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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