if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
