How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
