I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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