decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
