I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
