he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
