this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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