dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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