there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
