At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
