I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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