five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
