She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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