You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
