I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
