You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
