I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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