I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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