im holly from the hills drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
