the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
