Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
